You're The Lighthouse
by TruthFreedomBeautyLove
Summary: It's a summer's day in 2005 and Alex Ryan is caught up in memories from a past that seems like so long ago….


Hey!  
  
I just wrote this fic, which isn't really a fic, it's more of Alex remembering Claire(with a cameo by Stevie, lol). Song lyrics used are from The Lighthouse by Amity Dry. (she's from the first series of The Block!) It's such a sad yet beautiful song.  
  
Luv and laughs, TFBL, a.k.a Bella P.S: fans check out fans-of-mcleods dot com – it's awesome!  
  
Alex Ryan stared out across the empty paddock, gazing at the sun slowly falling beyond the horizon, a symbol of another day gone. Picking at a fresh blade of grass, he played with it absentmindedly, his face showing a distant expression. Everything was so still, not a ripple of wind or any sign of movement. Alex guessed that everyone was preparing for dinner as it was almost 6:30 on a summer's night, with Meg, Terry, Becky and Jake over for a visit and Charlotte on one of her weekend stays. Over at Drover's, laughter could be heard, mingled with the radio playing. But not by Alex. He was caught up in his own little world, just thinking about nothing, anything and everything. And Claire. Claire Louise McLeod with the brunette hair and the big blue eyes.  
  
It had been a little over two years since she'd left this world. Two years and bit. To Alex, it felt like much longer, as though it were many, many years ago and a world away. So much had changed in that time, though some things remained the same. There was always work to be done, new faces around town, and of course, dinner get-togethers at Drover's and Kilarney.  
  
Alex looked over his shoulder, at the tall and beautiful house on Drover's Run, where dinner would be served that night. In the distance, he could just see Meg setting up the table for an outside dinner, Tess nearby, cradling Alex's baby niece, blue-eyed-blonde Claire Louise Ryan. She'd just turned eight months old, with her proud and adoring parents, Tess and Nick finally tying the knot just over a year ago. Another change. Alex chuckled slightly. A McLeod and a Ryan. What a pair! He thought, a half happy, half sad smile across his face.  
  
_I love you; Claire whispered. Alex smiled; everything was just how it should be, how it was always meant to be. He leaned in, as did she and their kiss grew passionately. Perfect, just perfect...  
_  
It was times like these that were the hardest.  
  
_The worst thing is the silence  
  
Ringing through my ears  
_  
And the saddest.  
  
_And waking up from a dream to remember you're not here  
_  
And most unfair. Of course he was still tough ol' Alexander Ryan, who could handle just about anything that life threw at him. That didn't stop him being human.  
  
_And some days I'm so lonely I can barely breathe  
  
_Sure, Alex led a happy farm life, just living on the land he'd always loved, a true country boy. And there was always his family and friends, the people that surrounded him and cared about what he was doing and where he was. Pretty lucky, if he didn't say so himself. But sometime...sometimes something, anything would remind him of that little bit more that was supposed to be. The bit that included Alex and Claire married with a bunch of kids, Charlotte included. The bit where he would wake up everyday to see the face and hear the voice of his best friend and soulmate. Sometimes there were just too many reminders. Other times there weren't enough.  
  
_But then something will remind me that you're still right here with me  
_  
But for some reason, it was the reminders that kept him going, as though Claire had never left, like she was sitting right next to him on the grass at that very moment.  
  
_And you're the lighthouse leading me home  
  
Guiding me through every storm  
  
You're the sun that shines on my face  
  
The warming embrace, the light of my days  
  
You're the lighthouse  
  
_But the memories weren't enough. They were meant to grow old together, watch their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and however many other children they would know grow. Alex had heard stories of couples who did just this, then one of them would pass away in their sleep and the other would soon follow because they simply couldn't bear to live without each other. Dying from a broken heart.That was true love. Then why didn't Alex die too? If you asked Tess, she would say that he had unfinished business, things he was meant to do that had not yet done. But it was Claire who was a mother, Claire who knew her farm back to front and upside down. It was Claire who should have been right there next to him, laughing the laugh that only she laughed, looking into his eyes with her own blue ones. It was that simple.  
  
_I long to hear your laughter, to look into your eyes  
_  
_And I miss the way we used to talk until the sun would rise  
  
And some days I'm so angry you were taken far too soon  
  
But I know you're right beside me, and you're carrying me through  
_  
And it was that complicated. He felt her there, but she wasn't. He was still the same old Alex, but something about him was not quite right. Like she took a piece of him away with her.  
  
_And you're the lighthouse leading me home  
  
Guiding me through every storm  
  
You're the sun that shines on my face  
  
The warming embrace, the light of my days  
  
You're the lighthouse  
  
_Alex let the blade of grass fall out of his hand. By now, the sun had fully set and the first few stars of the night were out. He could see outdoor lights shining brightly at Drover's and knew someone would surely come get him for dinner. Just a few more moments, he thought to himself. He liked it out here.  
  
"Alex!" She called.  
  
"Claire? Claire!" Alex got up from the grass and ran over to her.  
  
"What are ya doin' you bugger? We're all waiting for you!"  
  
His smile slowly faded.  
  
"Oh, hey, Stevie"  
  
He could have sworn that it wasn't Stevie he'd seen...  
  
"You alright?"  
  
"Yeah, of course. What's for dinner?"  
  
"Cold chicken and salad. Perfect summer dinner. Unless of course you prefer baby food?"  
  
"Yeah, real funny"  
  
As Alex walked with Stevie back towards Drover's, he glanced over his shoulder at the paddock.  
  
"What do you see?" Stevie looked at him with a confused expression.  
  
"Uh, nothing. Never mind"  
  
"If you say so" She paused. "Race you back!" And then she was off, leaving Alex standing there, shaking his head. "You bugger!" He called after her. Then he looked over his shoulder again, smiling to himself and whispering Claire's name so quietly. _I love you too_, he heard her voice whisper back from within a memory.  
  
_And I swear that I can feel you  
  
Your breath upon my skin  
  
And whenever I need you  
  
I can hear you whispering  
  
_Then, he turned and ran as fast as he could, determined to catch up to that bugger of a woman, Stevie, who by now was up at Drover's, hiding behind a shed, laughing like crazy at the sight of Alex wondering where the heck she'd got to... 


End file.
